I'm not always a big fan of setting goals. It's not that I lack of ambition. More often it's connected with the fact that my goals have been to do with character. It may also be connected with the fear of failure.
Today, however, I have little choice but to set myelf targets in an attempt to prepare myself and my family for the arrival of our first born.
Financial
I need to double if not triple my income.
There is no other way to do this other than to get a new job (and/or a second job).
As a secondary target I am aiming to apply for a job a day- or 5 a week.
Fitness
Improve my overall fitness.
I haven't decided whether or not I should attempt the full marathon this year as yet. The half-marathon will be a definite if not. I'm also doing a few more weights for all that baby lifting. :o)
I do have a programme and semi-diet I am following from today. If I begin to look buff I'll post a photo. lol
Find more space
... for the people I love.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Goals for next 4 months
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Four mistakes guys make when dealing with their pregnant partners mood swings
Scenario A
My wife runs in crying from a half-day of work. Pushing past me, throwing her bag across the room she buries her head in a pillow in the bedroom. By the time I realise something may not be quite right I curse the day we decided to buy white bed linen as black mascara inks our pillow-cases.
Scenario B
I hear shouting from the kitchen. I jump out of the bath and find myself dripping water through the house expecting to confront a stranger. Instead I find a kitchen that is “far too small”, stinks of rotting vegetables and all ‘this’ is my fault- and didn’t I realise I’d make a mess getting out of the bath with only a hand towel wrapped around me.
These are two of many scenarios I have been faced with during the pregnancy of our first child. I hope you can learn from and laugh at my shoddy craftsmanship in the art of being a husband to a pregnant wife.
Mistake no.1: Making an attempt to understand
You may think attempting to understand the issues behind any given outburst is a gallant affair. You may wish to fix the situation that is in front of you. You may have a number of questions running through your mind such as “who has upset you? Has somebody said something? Has somebody hurt you?” The worst of these can be “have we lost the baby?”
Do not fear.
To ask any of these things means you have fallen into the trap of expecting a rational explanation for any amount of tears/mood swings that come your way.
Mistake no.2: Trying to answer rational explanations given
When reasons are given for tears or rages it is not our job to fix the situation/ provide reasoning/ be sympathetic with the ‘other side’. To do so could mean you shout at the young boy in the street or punch your wife’s boss. It could also leave you trying to explain seemingly innocuous actions and conversations from the past. Do not try to explain any wrong doing you are accused of. Such action may leave you tongue-tied and in a worse position than when the conversation began. Simply say sorry. In ten minutes time you may or may not get an apology.
Mistake no.3: Thinking saying sorry is enough
Simply put… saying sorry is not enough and must be backed up with action. This could range from making sure the dishes are clean to putting a nosy neighbour in his/her place. Other actions may involve cuddling; changing your scent/aftershave; not saying ‘that’ word again… you will learn this list is inexhaustible.
Mistake no.4: Doing too much
There are many occasions when action is no substitute for presence. You may wish to combine the first three of our mistakes by asking questions and responding to any answer given, but sometimes it is enough to just sit close to your partner. They need to know you are there and capable of empathising with them.
You can fill this silent time with whatever you will as long as you remain silent. You may relive moments of past glory; solve a problem with the project at work; rehearse asking your boss for a rise. You could work on math problems, budgeting or planning dinner. At all times remain silent with a hand gently resting on a non-sexual part of your partner’s body (…unless asked to remove).
A final thought
As there will be many tears and many rages that lead to tears it is wise to plan ahead. You must realise attempting to be the perfect partner is as noble as it is futile during the 9 months between conception and birth..
Instead I can merely suggest you ensure any eye make-up is waterproof and all pans/kitchen utensils are good and sturdy.
My wife runs in crying from a half-day of work. Pushing past me, throwing her bag across the room she buries her head in a pillow in the bedroom. By the time I realise something may not be quite right I curse the day we decided to buy white bed linen as black mascara inks our pillow-cases.
Scenario B
I hear shouting from the kitchen. I jump out of the bath and find myself dripping water through the house expecting to confront a stranger. Instead I find a kitchen that is “far too small”, stinks of rotting vegetables and all ‘this’ is my fault- and didn’t I realise I’d make a mess getting out of the bath with only a hand towel wrapped around me.
These are two of many scenarios I have been faced with during the pregnancy of our first child. I hope you can learn from and laugh at my shoddy craftsmanship in the art of being a husband to a pregnant wife.
Mistake no.1: Making an attempt to understand
You may think attempting to understand the issues behind any given outburst is a gallant affair. You may wish to fix the situation that is in front of you. You may have a number of questions running through your mind such as “who has upset you? Has somebody said something? Has somebody hurt you?” The worst of these can be “have we lost the baby?”
Do not fear.
To ask any of these things means you have fallen into the trap of expecting a rational explanation for any amount of tears/mood swings that come your way.
Mistake no.2: Trying to answer rational explanations given
When reasons are given for tears or rages it is not our job to fix the situation/ provide reasoning/ be sympathetic with the ‘other side’. To do so could mean you shout at the young boy in the street or punch your wife’s boss. It could also leave you trying to explain seemingly innocuous actions and conversations from the past. Do not try to explain any wrong doing you are accused of. Such action may leave you tongue-tied and in a worse position than when the conversation began. Simply say sorry. In ten minutes time you may or may not get an apology.
Mistake no.3: Thinking saying sorry is enough
Simply put… saying sorry is not enough and must be backed up with action. This could range from making sure the dishes are clean to putting a nosy neighbour in his/her place. Other actions may involve cuddling; changing your scent/aftershave; not saying ‘that’ word again… you will learn this list is inexhaustible.
Mistake no.4: Doing too much
There are many occasions when action is no substitute for presence. You may wish to combine the first three of our mistakes by asking questions and responding to any answer given, but sometimes it is enough to just sit close to your partner. They need to know you are there and capable of empathising with them.
You can fill this silent time with whatever you will as long as you remain silent. You may relive moments of past glory; solve a problem with the project at work; rehearse asking your boss for a rise. You could work on math problems, budgeting or planning dinner. At all times remain silent with a hand gently resting on a non-sexual part of your partner’s body (…unless asked to remove).
A final thought
As there will be many tears and many rages that lead to tears it is wise to plan ahead. You must realise attempting to be the perfect partner is as noble as it is futile during the 9 months between conception and birth..
Instead I can merely suggest you ensure any eye make-up is waterproof and all pans/kitchen utensils are good and sturdy.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Library of Love
Library of love
Books, books, books…
I’m a reader. I love to read and research on anything I’m involved in. With money being tight I pull out some change and head to the library. They must have books on becoming a father so I pick up some change and catch a bus into town.
I stride in to the Georgian building and head toward the book finding computer and type in “fatherhood”. To my dismay there are no results. Second attempt: “pregnancy”. The screen pours out a list of titles. I write the number on the back of my hand and move to the shelves.
Tapping each section as I pass I know I’m getting closer because of the index numbers, but the category titles throw me. In between electronics and weaponry are some books concerning breastfeeding. This wasn’t what I had in mind so I head back to the computers and type in “father”.
A new list and some new reference numbers I find myself in front of more appropriate literature. Once more I am confused by the selection of surrounding categories… Mental Health, Cancer and Politics. I find myself victim of the giggle- loop.
Book reviews to follow.
Books, books, books…
I’m a reader. I love to read and research on anything I’m involved in. With money being tight I pull out some change and head to the library. They must have books on becoming a father so I pick up some change and catch a bus into town.
I stride in to the Georgian building and head toward the book finding computer and type in “fatherhood”. To my dismay there are no results. Second attempt: “pregnancy”. The screen pours out a list of titles. I write the number on the back of my hand and move to the shelves.
Tapping each section as I pass I know I’m getting closer because of the index numbers, but the category titles throw me. In between electronics and weaponry are some books concerning breastfeeding. This wasn’t what I had in mind so I head back to the computers and type in “father”.
A new list and some new reference numbers I find myself in front of more appropriate literature. Once more I am confused by the selection of surrounding categories… Mental Health, Cancer and Politics. I find myself victim of the giggle- loop.
Book reviews to follow.
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